Linking Shades Part Nine

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“Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams.”

I smiled, then told him, “Look, I know I promised you that night that I will stay by your side whenever you need me to. And I know that I hugged you cause you wanted me to do so. But, can you forget about that night? Cause, I wasn’t supposed to do something like this at all.”

He paused for a while, then said, “Why?” I looked at him and said clearly, “Because you have a girlfriend and I…” “Wait, wait, wait… I have a girlfriend?! Who told you this?” I looked at him, “The girl that you used to explain the Chemistry lecture to!” I said. “What?!” He smiled, then continued, “Are you talking about the girl that used to match clothes colors with me?”

“Yes.” I said finally. He burst out laughing in a funny way. He was so cute, and I couldn’t bear this, so I asked, “What are you laughing at?” “Because this girl is my sister.” He answered me in a cute way. I looked at him shocked with no words, then smiled, wondering, “Your sister?!”

“Yes! My sister. I mean even if I had a girlfriend, I would do the same thing and explain the Chemistry lecture to her! But that girl is my little sister.” “Does this mean that you don’t…” “No, cute lady, I don’t have a girlfriend. And I’m not thinking of something like this, because I’m focusing on my classes just the same way you do. Probably that’s why you got my attention!”

A shiver ran out my whole body, then I smiled. “So, as everything is kinda clear now, do you mind me joining your basketball practice?” He asked me softly. “I mean, I’m not as professional as your team is.” I said. “I never was professional. None of us was. But you will soon be with a coach like me!” I smiled at him. It was the best Thursday I’ve had since I started my college classes.

On the next Thursday night, I didn’t go back home. I stayed in the college’s library writing down on the computer. It was about 9:00 PM, I started getting my stuff ready to go back home. While I was on my way to my car, I saw him sitting, laying his head back on the chair’s backrest, next to the university’s water sign. I smiled and approached him slowly so he wouldn’t hear me.

Then, I got closer and whispered in his left ear, “Can I sit next to you for a little bit, please?” Then he opened his eyes, keeping his head on the chair’s backrest, and didn’t move at all. He just smiled, looking at me with his ocean blue eyes and said, “You know that you are the only one who always makes me feel better?” I smiled at him.

Then sat next to him on the chair, asking, “Is everything okay?” He raised his head and turned towards me, looking at my rosy cheeks, wanting to talk but didn’t. So, he just looked at me. “Do you wanna walk?” I asked him. He smiled. Few seconds later, we started walking together, “You know? I didn’t choose this town, I dream of getting out, there’s just one who could make me stay. All my days.”

I looked at him and smiled deeply then continued, “From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes. I waited ages to see you there.” He smiled and continued, “I searched the party of better bodies. Just to learn that you never cared.” I smiled deeper showing my teeth then said, “You’re on your own, kid. You always have been.”


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Linking Shades Part Eight

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“You two are dancing in a snow globe ’round and ’round.”

Next week, as there was no Chemistry lecture anymore, I went to my second lecture which used to start at 8:50 AM. This lecture was going good but not perfect, and it wasn’t even related to my major. Anyway, I didn’t see him on that Monday, and actually never saw him again after that Friday night.

Days started passing, and I started feeling bad more and more. This college was not my first choice, and I’ve never thought about studying in it. The college itself was pretty, but I wasn’t convinced with it. I wanted the other one, that gave me an acceptance with a scholarship, but never got the chance to go.

Nothing was going well, and I was not okay. I cut off social media all of a sudden, and stayed away for a whole month from everyone, even myself. And I focused on starting my Basketball practices. I started practicing on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. As these were the days that I used to go to my classes.

Then, on that Friday night the Halloween party was held in our college, when the actual Halloween was on Monday. I came back home and dropped my 8:50 AM course in the middle of the night. Monday came, Tuesday passed, and Wednesday, going to Thursday when everything changed!

I decided to go to school on that snowy Thursday for the first time. I wasn’t feeling well because I had a back and a leg pain from the basketball practices for a whole two weeks, and on Thursday I wasn’t fully cured but felt like I had to go, just stay away from home. I got into the Recreation Center carrying my basketball, heading to the practice place. And I stood in shock. I saw him!

He was playing basketball, “Give it to me, come one.” “Woah!” He made a shot, then he saw me. I was standing there looking at him surprised. Then he stood in his place frozen, looking at me with a dreamy look. Then some of his friends hit the basketball on him. He turned to them, raising his hands like why did you do that.

Then someone told him, “Dude, I called you, you should’ve caught the ball.” “I’m out.” He said. Then he ran into me. “What are you doing here?” He asked me while smiling. “I came to practice.” “Wait, you practice here?!” “Yes!” “Since when?” He asked surprisingly. “I don’t know, maybe a month!”

“Seriously, I‘ve never seen you here! When do you come?” “On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Usually afternoons and evenings. Depends!” “Oh we practice in the mornings everyday. But today and tomorrow we will only do it in the evenings because the crew have a plan for the mornings.” He said. I smiled.

“Should I go and thank them for this?” He continued, asking me while approaching my face, because he is tall. “Thank them for what?” I asked him slowly. “For making a morning plan for today and tomorrow! Because without it, I would’ve never seen you again after that Friday night.”


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Linking Shades Part Seven

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“I think I’m finally clean.”

On Thursday, I saw my grade and it was how I expected. So, I made up my mind that I will drop this course. When I entered the lecture, he wasn’t there at all, he didn’t come to the lecture that day. And on Friday too, he didn’t. So, as he is an honors student, I expected that he has dropped out of this course. I did the same on that day, and dropped the course too.

At night, I was walking outside in the college’s garden and suddenly I saw the handsome guy sitting on a swing under the tree, alone. I took a deep breath and decided to go and talk to him. Yes he has a girlfriend, but we are friends, and this itself makes me happy. So, I approached slowly, suddenly he noticed me and wiped off his tears. He was crying!

I walked faster and put my hand on his shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” He looked at me with his teary ocean blue eyes. The walkway’s light was reflecting on them. “What happened?” I asked him. He didn’t answer. Then I slowly sat next to him. I got closer to him. I wanted to ask him, but I know myself that when I get sad, I don’t like to talk. So, I understood why he didn’t reply.

I sat there quietly, looking at the sky, it was so clean. And all of a sudden, he put his head on my right shoulder. A shiver moved inside my entire body. And I was about to faint from this beautiful, and scary feeling. Then I moved my head slowly, smelling his hair. His shampoo smell was so good that I wanted to tell him can we stay like this forever.

I wanted to put my head above his head, but I kept reminding myself that he has a girlfriend and I can’t do this to her. I’m not that type of a girl. Plus, I hate to be the second choice. So, I didn’t move at all. Few seconds later, I saw his hand wiping his eyes. He was crying on my shoulder. I couldn’t bear this, seeing a guy crying was just too much for me.

I felt so worried at that moment and started asking myself, like; Was she the reason? Or was it something else? “Do you wanna talk?” I whispered to him. He kind of moaned moving his head like no on my shoulder, and cried more. “Okay.” I said. He closed his eyes and kept his head laying on my shoulder.

I closed my eyes, then looked at the sky, and later at his beautiful smelling hair, and said, “It will pass, no matter what is going on with you, it will pass.” He raised his head and looked me in the eyes saying in pain, “Can you promise me this?” “I can’t promise you about something I’m not sure of, but I can promise you that I’ll be next to you whenever you need me to.”

He stood up, thought for a while, then looked at me, “You promise that you’ll stay next to me, huh?” “Whenever you need me to.” I replied. “Are you gonna do what I ask you to?” He asked. I stood up, saying, “If it will make you better, I will do my best.” He paused for a while, then looked me in the eyes with his red, puffy teary eyes and said, “Can you hug me?”

I stepped back for a second, and didn’t say a word. Just blinked. “See, you don’t even want to hug me when I ask you to.” “I… I can’t. You have a…” “I have no one. No one at all. Everything is just too much for me. I can’t take it anymore.” I, without thinking hugged him. He didn’t move. He kept crying in his place for a couple seconds then hugged me back so tight and crying so deep.


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Linking Shades Part Six

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“We found wonderland. You and I got lost in it.”

Time passed, and it wasn’t enough for me to finish the final paper so I left it empty. I left the lecture that day feeling so sad and depressed. And the day wasn’t the perfect day of my life, even though it was Friday. On Monday, I went to the lecture, and all of the excited feelings were out of me that day.

I was so quiet and feeling so sad and horrible about my grade that wasn’t uploaded yet! When I entered the lecture hall, unlike other days, the handsome guy arrived early today, and was not late nine minutes. I sat next to him saying, “Good morning.” “Good morning. Feeling bad about the test huh?” He said while looking at me.

“I don’t want to talk about it. It was horrible.” “Well then, let me make you feel better, I left two papers empty.” He said. “What? Why?” I asked surprisingly. “Well, because I said to myself to stay at home and study on Thursday. And I ended up not studying even a word and got stuck with the beautiful family discussions.” He smiled a sad smile to hide his actual sad feelings.

“You are one of the honors students, aren’t you?” I asked him after a long stare.“Well, not here, cute lady, not in this college anymore. I left my wonderland and came here.” His face turned to red like he was filled with a lot of things and wanted to explode. I opened my mouth and wanted to ask him, but the professor started the lecture.

Then the professor said, “So I’m about to be done with grading, but the grades are not so good and I totally understand. Usually this is what happens with students, as it’s their first test.” Me and the handsome guy, both rolled our eyes, like okay and you keep giving us extra materials instead of focusing on the weak points that your students have?!

On Tuesday, I checked on my grade hoping to be able to see it, but no, still nothing posted. The handsome guy came angrily, sat somewhere in the middle row, throwing his bag on the table, without saying a word. I looked at him as I heard the bag hit, he was so mad, he looked at me feeling so sad with no words.

I wanted to say something, but he sat far from me. Then the professor started speaking, so I turned my face. The professor mentioned, “I will not post the grades until the students that didn’t take the test do the make-up, so I can upload the entire grades all at once.”

I opened up my notebook, and started writing down. When the lecture ended, the handsome guy went outside. His girl was waiting for him, she smiled a light smile at him, then they both walked together. She put her hand on his back like calming him down, she seemed like she knew what was going on with him.

I thought they broke up or something! I mean, since that day, his girl stopped attending the Chemistry lecture! Seems like they never broke up, and they are still together. Maybe she just dropped the Chemistry lecture! Anyway, I was walking behind them, I didn’t play the music. Hoping to hear anything, but they didn’t talk at all.


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Linking Shades Part Five

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“Ocean blue eyes looking in mine, I feel like I might sink and drown and die.”

And for the very first time, he said, “Good morning.” I looked at him and said, “Good morning.” with a big smile. He was okay but not like before, he smiled lightly, then asked me, “So how was the first quiz?” I looked at him sarcastically and said, “Oh please don’t ask.”

“You know things are not going right, I’ve never had a grade like this in my entire life.” He said to me, “Well, we are two now.” I said. Then the professor entered. When the lecture ended, the handsome guy stood up and told me while smiling, “Put your bag on my chair tomorrow, I promise, I’ll come and sit next to you this time.” I smiled. He walked.

He stopped and turned his face back to me saying, “I’m sorry about the last few days, I wasn’t sitting next to you, but I just had to.” I wanted to ask why but he left immediately to not give me a chance to. The next day, I put my bag on his chair as he told me, then a few minutes later he came in, and asked, “You, cute lady, can I sit next to you?” I looked at him.

He was smiling and looking at me with his ocean blue eyes. It was the first time for me to see his eyes’ color, that close and that clear, they are that type of eyes that you would get lost in. “Oh please do so.” I said. We had a kind of eye contact, meaning, let’s start everything from the beginning.

That’s why he asked me if I could move my bag for him to sit next to me, like we were two strangers, meeting each other for the first time! We actually were already strangers, because till this moment I didn’t know his name! Then he sat with his heavy perfume, saying, “Good morning.” Then he fixed his hair. “Good morning. “I said while smiling hard.

He looked so cute when he raised his hair. “So, our test is in three days, are you ready for it?” I looked at my notebook in a disgusted way, then looked at him and said, “I would lie to you if I said yes. I have a whole chapter that I’m lost at. Don’t tell me that I’m a bad Chemistry student, because I’m not. But it’s just, I’m not having enough time to focus on it.” I said.

“You know that you are describing the exact same thing that is going with me right now. I love Chemistry, but my brain cells are not able to function, they are refusing to function.” He said. I felt sorry for that. The professor came in, and we both opened up our notebooks and started trying to follow up with the professor who is still explaining new materials!

On Thursday, I didn’t come to the lecture because I wanted to study and do my best for the test that we were going to have on Friday. So, my Thursday was so boring. I spent my whole day studying Chemistry and unfortunately I wasn’t able to cover the rest of the third chapter.

So, I ended up going to the test without being ready; and this was the very first moment of my life to do something like this! Anyway, Friday came and I did the test. And the handsome guy didn’t sit next to me because when I came everywhere was already full, and the first row was way too full! So, I ended up sitting in a different seat than my usual one.


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Linking Shades Part Four

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“The rest of the world was black and white. But we were in screaming color.”

Then he whispered into my left ear, “Stay next to me.” A shiver passed through my entire body, and my heart started beating so fast. I was so surprised, to the way that I wasn’t able to say a word to him. I always used to like Fridays, but that Friday was too white for me.

On the weekend, I was counting the time, so it ends, and I go on Monday to the Chemistry lecture, to see that handsome guy. Chemistry never was my favorite lecture, it always used to be Biology. But he changed my entire balance, Chemistry became my top favorite. And I actually started doing well, even though I was struggling with it because I left it for six years!

When Monday came, I wore red and black clothes to match colors with him. When I entered the lecture hall, I didn’t know where to sit, in the first or the middle row? I closed my eyes, and reminded myself that I’m here for studying and nothing else, because I need to get my high GPA. And the first row was always my usual place.

So, I sat in the first row and put my bag on the chair next to me, to the right. As usual, he came nine minutes late. And walked all the way to the second row and sat exactly behind me. I didn’t notice him. His girl didn’t come today. I looked at the clock and it had already been nine minutes. I kept focusing on the lecture.

As soon as the lecture ended, he carried his bag and walked away. I stood up and glanced at his bag. He was there on the stairs, walking fast. I put my stuff in my bag and quickly ran behind him but I lost him. He left so quickly. Why did that happen? Why didn’t he sit next to me today? I have no idea. Then I told myself, “Okay, probably today was not his day! Maybe not your day too!”

Days passed and we both were not like before. He was always coming to the lecture not smiling, kind of angry, and maybe sad. And for me, I don’t like to give my attention to these things, because my attention always used to be on my grades more than anything else.

Chemistry started getting harder with my other classes, and he was the reason for me to like this material specifically. But he became the reason for me to start losing my attention at this material too. You know when the existence of someone, even when you both don’t talk, just the feeling that he sits next to you makes you good? He was that person.

But he stopped sitting next to me, and he stopped smiling, stopped looking at me. And I started losing all my brain cells for no reason. I hated that. Finally, the day came, where we both had our first quiz. I didn’t do well, and the entire class messed up, and the professor said that he was expecting this, so probably this quiz is the one that is going to be dropped.

So, nothing actually affected my grade yet. But still, there was something deep inside me telling me that there was something wrong. I came the next day after we had our quiz, and sat in my usual seat. Few minutes later, the handsome guy came and sat next to me, on his chair, to my right side after a long time!


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Linking Shades Part Three

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“And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?”

At the beginning I was so happy that we both entered together, but when his girl showed up, I felt so upset. They both were talking and laughing about something they did last night; at a party or a family gathering, or something like that. While the lecture was going on, he was explaining the stuff to his girl.

She seemed so confused, like me. I liked how he was caring and making sure of her understanding every word in the lecture. He seemed like a smart guy, somehow like me maybe. Anyway, I understood the material that day, but I won’t lie, I listened to what he was explaining.

He was unbelievably kind to her, explaining the old material that we both didn’t understand last week and kept asking the professor about. On Thursday, they both entered together, I was behind them. She ran quickly and sat on the chair that was on the left side of my chair and put her bag on my chair. He smiled and sat on his usual chair that was on my right side.

I felt kinda weird and didn’t know how to react. Like, should I move her bag and sit on my chair between both of them? Or try to find somewhere else to sit? I paused for a second, then acted in an apathetic way, and moved her bag and sat in the middle between both of them.

Then he laid back and looked at her from behind and she did the same movement too, and they both started smiling at each other. I was pretty sure that he explained this bag thing between me and him as a joke to her, and they both decided to make fun of it. But, he was the one who moved my bag first, not me! I tried my best to keep focusing on the lecture and not minding them both.

On Friday, I decided to change my seat and stay away from both of them, because this is toxic and will affect my grades. So, I sat in the middle row. He entered the lecture hall a few seconds after me. He looked at my usual seat and found it empty. He got confused, because he saw me entering the lecture hall already.

He looked back, up to the rows searching for me, then his eyes looked into my eyes and found me sitting between people in the middle row. I turned my eyes immediately, pretended that I was looking at the board or whatever. He stared at me for a while. I totally ignored him. He went out of the lecture hall.

I didn’t care, and never moved my head. Few seconds later, his girl came and sat on her chair. The lecture started but he didn’t come. After nine minutes, I found the guy who was sitting on my left side, standing up and moving to somewhere else. Then the handsome guy came and sat next to me with his beautiful heavy perfume. I knew it was him, his perfume was so special.

I didn’t look at him at all, but I didn’t know how to describe my feelings at that moment. I was kind of happy, scared, maybe sad, but excited. I felt cold and warm, at the same time. I don’t know, but the vibe of this feeling was similar to the wake! Then I asked myself, “Why did he sit next to me and leave his girl sitting down there alone in the first row?”


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Linking Shades Part Two

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“But somethin’ bout it felt like home somehow.”

He opened the door for me to go out. I smiled at him in the meaning of thank you. Then he moved his head like you’re welcome, and smiled but without showing his teeth, and walked away. I watched him walking alone, putting his left hand in his pocket, carrying his phone in his right hand, kind of scrolling or something.

Then his friend came, and they both started talking and laughing. Then all of a sudden, they both looked at me quickly, they both were smiling in a cute way, then they turned their faces back, and started talking. Seconds later, his friend looked at me and smiled a light smile at me, I did too. I’m pretty sure they both were talking about me.

On Friday, I found him sitting on his chair, but putting his bag on my chair, which is the left one. I ran quickly down the stairs feeling so excited, and moved away his bag and sat next to him. He laid back in his chair and smirked, he seemed like saying, “Here she came, now we can start the lecture.” As usual he was wearing a red sweater.

He always wears red and black, and everyday a different piece of cloth, and every piece is more beautiful than the other. We both were writing in the lecture. That day, the idea was kind of confusing, and we both kept asking the professor to understand. His voice tone was so good.

The way he was discussing it, made me guess his age, he was like 23-24 at least, so he wasn’t a Freshman for sure, he was probably a transfer student like me, or maybe not a transfer, maybe a junior or a senior in this college. When the lecture ended, again, he opened the door for me, and we both smiled at each other.

I really wanted to follow him to know what lecture he had next, but I had another lecture at 8:50 AM that I couldn’t come late to. So, I didn’t. The next week, I stepped into the lecture, but he didn’t come yet. The lecture started and he arrived nine minutes late. I forgot to put my bag on his chair this time.

He approached and paused for a while at me, I glanced at him quickly, then he sat with no words. The lecture was okay that day. We both walked beside each other without talking, and once we approached the door, there was a girl waiting outside. Once we both stepped out the door, the girl smiled so deep and was so happy to see him.

He smiled so hard, showing his white teeth, and was so surprised and said, “You came!” His reaction was like a little kid who went back to his cozy home after a long cold walk. Then they both hugged each other. She was so cute, and she was wearing opposite clothes, like her jeans were red and her sweater was black, matching colors with him.

He later put his forearm on her shoulder, and they walked together. “Okay, he has a girlfriend. You have to forget about him.” I whispered to myself and raised the music volume. On Tuesday, we both entered the lecture hall together, he waited for me to sit on my left chair, then he sat next to me on his right chair. Seconds later, yesterday’s girl came and sat next to him.


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