Cracked

“I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place at the University of …” That’s when a new dream that took nearly a year, waking up everyday with, thinking of, planning on making it happen got destroyed.

You know? It took me so long to dream about something else, to collect the wreckage that was left of me and build my new self out of it. This new dream was born after years of pain, of frustration, of sadness, of brokenness, of wounds that have not healed yet. And today, March 18th, 2022, this new dream was shattered in a five-line letter. Just that easy.

It’s really easy to type down a letter and with one click send it to thousands of applicants, telling them that you are sorry. Your sorry doesn’t mean anything when their hearts start breaking, your sorry doesn’t fix what you ruined, your sorry doesn’t heal their wounds. Your sorry doesn’t turn back the chances they lost because of them wanting you, only you. Your sorry doesn’t bring back the time they lost working on doing their best to send you that six page essay. Your sorry will never make them forget what you made them feel the moment they received your letter.

You said, “Be createful” but you tore up all my creations, without even blinking…

I wanted you, because everyone said that you are different. You don’t look at what is shown. You search deep into each applicant, see how they do, find the hidden thing in them where the others don’t. But what I saw today was that you were like the others with no difference. Maybe you were worse, you didn’t even tell the reason. You just threw that five-line letter in front of my face asking me to continue my path with the same energy, encouraging me to continue working on my future plans.

You were a huge disappointment to me. You opened my old wounds that I worked years on healing. My wounds never went away, but in the moment that I walked into you, you were like a pain reliever to me. I said in my heart, maybe you’ll make up everything, maybe you will be the one who is going to draw a smile on my face again. But I forgot that heartbreaks come from the things we get the most attached to.

You thanked me because I considered you. Well, I thank you for telling me that you are not as perfect and honest as I thought.

Leave a Reply